Toonbots message board: The attrition begins

Chris Wed Jan 17 23:59:08 2001 Re: The attrition begins > As threatened, I have now created a message board archiving system. This > spins all the old threads off into a set of static pages, then it looks at > the threads still online. If there are more than 256 messages online, then > it finds the oldest thread, and if that thread hasn't been updated in a > week, it deletes it. > Then it runs a summary. > Which means that gopher has already lost a post, Lee has lost four, and so > on. In testing, I've deleted the three oldest threads. Have these actually been deleted permanently or are they archived someplace? I don't see any links to the 'static pages' you mentioned...

Michael Thu Jan 18 00:47:56 2001 Re: The attrition begins > Have these actually been deleted permanently or are they archived > someplace? I don't see any links to the 'static pages' you mentioned... No, no, they're archived into static pages. I haven't linked to them yet because, um... because I forgot. Jeesh, you want site administration or you want new episodes? I'm a metacartoonist, not a bricklayer, Jim!

Chris Thu Jan 18 01:45:04 2001 Re: The attrition begins > No, no, they're archived into static pages. I haven't linked to them yet > because, um... because I forgot. Jeesh, you want site administration or > you want new episodes? I'm a metacartoonist, not a bricklayer, Jim! 'Saright. I was just wondering, especially since each one of these new messages seems to kill a thread. I presume it will just continue like this until the total reaches 256? Or will the script devour all the posts, and eventually travel over the phone lines to erase the data on our hard drives and eventually eat our souls? ;)

Napoleon Thu Jan 18 02:06:40 2001 Re: The attrition begins > 'Saright. I was just wondering, especially since each one of these new > messages seems to kill a thread. I presume it will just continue like this > until the total reaches 256? Or will the script devour all the posts, and > eventually travel over the phone lines to erase the data on our hard > drives and eventually eat our souls? ;) I should probably get my sawed-off shotgun and my chainsaw ready, just in case.

Chris Thu Jan 18 15:26:02 2001 Re: The attrition begins > I should probably get my sawed-off shotgun and my chainsaw ready, just in > case. And a sizable nuclear stockpile, of course. It's no bloody use preparing for the apocalypse if there never IS one. :) Of course, that may be one of Michael's side projects: THE NUKE-O-MATIC! Capable of launching strategic or tactical nuclear strikes against up to two hundred pre-programmed or completely random targets! Now you, the humble computer user, can experience the thrill previously reserved only to commanders-in-chief, military despots, and the criminally insane! For added fun, play in the multiplayer mode, allowing up to eight different nuclear powers to strike simultaneously! SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS: Pentium 166, 24 MB RAM, Windows 95 or better, fallout shelter highly recommended. PRICE: Just $199.99 ($249.99 for Mac version) and your mortal soul!* From VIVTEK, which has not been acquired by DiabloCorp, no matter what you may have heard. * The heart of your firstborn male child may be accepted in lieu of a soul.

Napoleon Thu Jan 18 18:37:18 2001 Re: The attrition begins > PRICE: Just $199.99 ($249.99 for Mac version) and your mortal soul!* > From VIVTEK, which has not been acquired by DiabloCorp, no matter what you > may have heard. > * The heart of your firstborn male child may be accepted in lieu of a > soul. Can we use someone else's soul, or are they non-transferrable? Since I'd sort of like to keep my own soul, and I'm not exactly going to have any firstborn's hearts available any time soon.

Michael Thu Jan 18 11:48:33 2001 Soul consumption > 'Saright. I was just wondering, especially since each one of these new > messages seems to kill a thread. I presume it will just continue like this > until the total reaches 256? Or will the script devour all the posts, and > eventually travel over the phone lines to erase the data on our hard > drives and eventually eat our souls? ;) Well. Actually it's supposed to simply *package* your souls for, you know, consumption at a later date. What did you think the Toon-o-Matic runs on? No, each message doesn't eat a thread. I just ran the script a couple more times for the halibut -- plus it ran once at midnight, because midnight is of course the best time for death. From now on it will run once a day, at midnight. If there are less than 256 posts, it won't eat any. And if the latest post in a thread is newer than a week ago, it won't eat that thread. Simple.

Napoleon Thu Jan 18 15:20:31 2001 Re: Soul consumption > No, each message doesn't eat a thread. I just ran the script a couple more > times for the halibut -- plus it ran once at midnight, because midnight is > of course the best time for death. From now on it will run once a day, at > midnight. If there are less than 256 posts, it won't eat any. And if the > latest post in a thread is newer than a week ago, it won't eat that > thread. > Simple. So technically we could thwart your script by making sure each thread, no matter how old and decrepit, has a shiny new post at the end, yes? Not that I'm, um, getting any ideas or anything...

Michael Thu Jan 18 21:29:20 2001 Re: Soul consumption > So technically we could thwart your script by making sure each thread, no > matter how old and decrepit, has a shiny new post at the end, yes? > Not that I'm, um, getting any ideas or anything... Yes. Technically, you could do that. Couldn't you?

Joe Nadeau Sat Jan 20 00:16:29 2001 Re: Soul consumption > Well. Actually it's supposed to simply *package* your souls for, you know, > consumption at a later date. Good thing I'm not posting on this board... oh wait. What did I just do? Damn.

Michael Sat Jan 20 00:38:25 2001 Re: Soul consumption > Good thing I'm not posting on this board... oh wait. What did I just do? > Damn. MWUhahahahaha! Joe Nadeau, your soul is mine!

Chris Sat Jan 20 02:28:43 2001 Re: Soul consumption > MWUhahahahaha! Joe Nadeau, your soul is mine! Sorry to tell you this, Your Meta-Eminence, but... The PAFTWJ accounting office informs me that, due to the facts that you 1) are not a registered soul-eater, 2) have a gross adjusted soul income of between $40,000 and $44,999 a year, c) were once caught attempting to smuggle souls out of the country (remember O'Hare, '87?), and Arthur) have not paid the salaries of any Jihad member in three months, you owe taxes on that soul amounting to just slightly over 1420%.

Michael Sat Jan 20 12:10:13 2001 Re: Soul consumption > Sorry to tell you this, Your Meta-Eminence, but... > The PAFTWJ accounting office informs me that, due to the facts that you 1) > are not a registered soul-eater, 2) have a gross adjusted soul income of > between $40,000 and $44,999 a year, c) were once caught attempting to > smuggle souls out of the country (remember O'Hare, '87?), and Arthur) have > not paid the salaries of any Jihad member in three months, you owe taxes > on that soul amounting to just slightly over 1420%. Damn bureacrats. Oh, Napoleon? Might I impose?

Napoleon Sat Jan 20 18:16:38 2001 Re: Soul consumption > Damn bureacrats. > Oh, Napoleon? Might I impose? I dunno... he might enjoy it too much, thus negating the threat in the first place. *nukes Chris instead* There.

Michael Sat Jan 20 19:17:41 2001 HOORAY! > I dunno... he might enjoy it too much, thus negating the threat in the > first place. > *nukes Chris instead* > There. SMASHING! YES!!!!!

Chris Sat Jan 20 21:18:51 2001 Re: HOORAY! > SMASHING! YES!!!!! YOU WILL GET NONE OF MY ARCTIC CIRCLE-CANDY!!!! I WILL GIVE IT TO THE ITALIANS!!! YES!

Michael Sat Jan 20 21:57:51 2001 Re: HOORAY! > YOU WILL GET NONE OF MY ARCTIC CIRCLE-CANDY!!!! > I WILL GIVE IT TO THE ITALIANS!!! > YES! YOU WILL HAVE MY GUN!!!!! YAY, POKEY!! HOORAY!

Napoleon Sat Jan 20 22:11:16 2001 Re: HOORAY! > YOU WILL HAVE MY GUN!!!!! > YAY, POKEY!! HOORAY! I AM GOING OVER HERE NOW!!!! NONE OF YOU WILL FOLLOW ME, OR YOU WILL BE INJURED SEVERELY!!!! THANK YOU FOR THE ARCTIC-CIRCLE CANDY!!!!

Chris Sat Jan 20 22:16:23 2001 Re: HOORAY! > I AM GOING OVER HERE NOW!!!! > NONE OF YOU WILL FOLLOW ME, OR YOU WILL BE INJURED SEVERELY!!!! > THANK YOU FOR THE ARCTIC-CIRCLE CANDY!!!! YES

Lord Emsworth Fri Jan 26 12:30:16 2001 Re: The attrition begins > As threatened, I have now created a message board archiving system. This > spins all the old threads off into a set of static pages, then it looks at > the threads still online. If there are more than 256 messages online, then > it finds the oldest thread, and if that thread hasn't been updated in a > week, it deletes it. Interesting fact: Despite the recent archiving, this forum still has more posts than the vast majority of Keenspace boards, and with the lost threads, has nearly as many posts as a handful of Spot boards. I'm not sure whether we should be proud about this, distressed, confused, indifferent, or simply forget the whole thing and relieve any mental anxiety by seeking the ever tranquil influence of the dot. > Nobody will actually be drummed out of the Jihad, because the summary > script still knows your title... Well, I guess BoxJam is safe after all, the big jerk.

Michael Sun Jan 28 00:21:52 2001 Re: The attrition begins > Interesting fact: Despite the recent archiving, this forum still has more > posts than the vast majority of Keenspace boards, and with the lost > threads, has nearly as many posts as a handful of Spot boards. I'm not > sure whether we should be proud about this, distressed, confused, > indifferent, or simply forget the whole thing and relieve any mental > anxiety by seeking the ever tranquil influence of the dot. It's almost scary, given that only about ten people have ever posted here. I guess that's what it'll get you to be part of a Jihad instead of just a fan group like other strips have to get along with. > Well, I guess BoxJam is safe after all, the big jerk. Maybe I'll make an exception for BoxJam. He's just such a jerk.