Toonbots message board: President-o-Matic!

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Chris Tue Jan 9 19:17:08 2001

> (Originally posted by Michael on another forum:)
> By the way, in 2001 I'll have my 35th birthday, so I'm
> running for President in 2004. As Dubya has so neatly
> shown, anybody can become President in this country.

Bah. No need to waste all that effort. Just write a program to be President for you. The Dot could be V.P., and we'd STILL have more competent leadership than we're going to have for the next four years.

Gopher, being head of the Jihad, could be Chairman of the Joint Chiefs or Secretary of Defense or something. His first task would be to take the USAF's strategic bomber force and eliminate Florida.

Napoleon could be Secretary of State, just because it'll be fun to hear about ambassadors being defenestrated over trade disputes and the like. "Most-favored-nation THIS!"

Lee could be the Attorney General--Butch would probably be ineligible due to not actually existing per se. Either way, it will, ah, lend new meaning to the phrase "heads will roll for this!".

Lord Emsworth would be Press Secretary (due to his work in trying to expose the unwashed masses to Toonbots), which office would immediately be renamed the Ministry of Propaganda because it's more accurate and sounds much cooler.

Sleep deprivation is a wonderful thing, especially at 3:00 PM.

(P.S.: If anyone's wondering what I'd make myself, I'd be the Secretary of Commerce because, to the extent of my knowledge, that post is fairly useless and beneath notice--just like what I do here, whatever THAT is. (As a side note, can anyone who doesn't work for the government actually name the SoC without checking? I know I can't.))

Napoleon Tue Jan 9 19:52:15 2001
Re: President-o-Matic!

I like it! Especially the part that involves me getting to defenestrate ambassadors. ;)

Michael Tue Jan 9 21:09:24 2001
Re: President-o-Matic!

> I like it! Especially the part that involves me getting to defenestrate
> ambassadors. ;)

Heck, you could probably defenestrate Prague.

Chris Tue Jan 9 22:19:26 2001
Re: President-o-Matic!

> Heck, you could probably defenestrate Prague.

Or even Tokyo*. It sure would make monster movies a lot more fun.

"[Oh no! Napoleonzilla has arrived!]"

"[Let us sit here looking macho and cool, and it will leave.]"


"[You say this, but it (untranslatable -- heaved a window?) us anyway.]"

"[Indeed. It makes me wish my elf insurance was paid up.]"

"[Elf insurance? You're a loony!]"

"[I am NOT a loony! Why should I be attired with the epithet 'loony' merely because I have an elf-insurance policy! I've heard tell that Shogun Ishiguro of Osaka had a dwarf-insurance policy and you wouldn't call him a loony; furthermore, Otaku Sakamura, the late Prime Minister, had a gremlin clause attached to his life-insurance policy, and the late, great [Marcel Proust] had a policy protecting him from elves, dwarves, kobolds, goblins, and Herve Villechaize! So if you're calling the author of [A La Recherche du Temps Perdu] a loony, I shall have to ask you to step outside!]"

"[Honorable Funeo, you seem to have strayed into the wrong joke.]"

"[It's just as well. We're going to hit the ground in a few seconds anyw]"

* You thought I was going to say Tallahassee, didn't you?

Lord Emsworth Tue Jan 9 23:54:42 2001
Re: Elf Insurance

> ...the late, great [Marcel
> Proust] had a policy protecting him from elves, dwarves, kobolds, goblins,
> and Herve Villechaize!

What about Billy Barty? (Sigh, I'll miss him.)

Joe Nadeau Wed Jan 10 01:06:07 2001
Re: Elf Insurance

I once dressed my dog up as Rohdan. Or is it Rodan? I'm bad with names.

Chris Wed Jan 10 01:21:23 2001
Re: Elf Insurance

> What about Billy Barty? (Sigh, I'll miss him.)

I'm afraid I don't know who he is. Clarify?

Lord Emsworth Wed Jan 10 17:48:43 2001
Re: Elf Insurance

> I'm afraid I don't know who he is. Clarify?

My apologies. The late Billy Barty was one of the most familiar little actors for years. He began in vaudville, and appeared in films beginning in tha late 20's, as babies and small children, far past his own childhood. He worked with Sid and Marty Krofft on many of their weird children's shows, including "H. R. Pufnstuf" (costumed as Klang the Fireman) and wore the costumes as well as providing the voices for Sparky the Firefly in "The Bungaloos" and the title role in "Sigmund and the Sea Monsters." His film roles included Mickey Rooney's baby brother in the "Mickey McGuire" shorts of the 3O's, and more recently played mythical types in "Legend" and "Willow," and also appeared in "Billy Rose's Jumbo" (as a clown), "Foul Play" (as a bible salesman), "UHF," and "The Radioland Murders." He also had various other voice-over roles, in the obscure 8o's Hanna-Barbera bilge "Wildstar" (Dweedle), "The Rescuers Down Under" (Baitmouse), a couple specials, and more recently was heard in "Frasier" as one of the guest callers and "Batman" (as a midget actor; type-cast, even in a voice role!) He was heard in the Disney World/EPCOT Center attraction "Journey into the Imagination" as Figment the dragon (sadly, with the recent renovation of the attraction, his voice was replaced by Frank Welker.) He was also the founder of The Little People Society of America. He recently passed away, on Dec. 23, due to heart and lung problems, at the age of 76 (though as with many actors, there was some slight uncertainty about his real age, so he might have been older.)

Chris Thu Jan 11 01:45:48 2001
Re: Elf Insurance

Ah. Well, I suppose this is what I get for having approximately zero exposure to 50s childrens' television or 30s cinema.

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