Emsworth Mon Jul 28 15:35:12 2003|
Thanks for the memories, Bob
It's finally happened. Bob Hope has passed away, after reaching 100, purportedly of pneumonia. I always enjoyed his films and even his radio shows (TV specials less so), and admired his work with the troops. Like many actors, he had failings in his personal life, but made an indelible contribution to American culture over the course of approximately 7 decades!
I can picture it now: "Transcribed from Paradise, Pepsodent presents Bob Hope, with Jerry Collonna, the comic stylings of Clara Bow and Lon Chaney Sr. as Brenda and Cobina, the songs of Ellen Tierney, music by Luddy Beethoven and his orchestra, our special guest William Howard Taft, and I'm your announcer, William Jennings Bryan."
"Hello, folks, this is Bob "Celestial Being" Hope saying that this only goes to show that DeadPools are a long term investment, and reminding you to use Pepsodent toothpaste, for teeth that are as pearly white as ol' St. Peter's gates. And he just had them refurbished.
But I got to tell you, while it's great to be here, the security line is really tough. Kate Hepburn keeps setting off the beeper with all her Oscars.
I saw Ronnie Reagan at the commissary this morning. I told him, "Ronnie, what are you doing here, you're still among the living." And he said, "Yes, but the rice pudding is to die for.
I tell you, the buffet here is great, but the floor show needs work. They keep harping at you while you eat.
You know, the best part of my career was showing support and brining some laughs to our troops, and I'm happy to be back on the road, doing that again. I tell ya, Bobby Lee's boys really needed some cheering up. And as always, I had some lovely ladies. Theda Bara still looks great, doesn't she folks?
They say you're only as good as your writers. Well, I've picked up a great bunch, the cream of the crop, up here. Charles "Chuckles" Dickens, Jimmy Thurber, "The Mad Frenchman" Moliere, Will Rogers, Plato, my golfing buddy Mark Twain, ol' Jane Austen, and a bright young kid called Willie Shakespeare.
But I gotta tell you, you can't stiff these guys. They have a really strong union up here. Apparently St. Paul and St. Luke were really sore about not getting any residuals or proper screen credit by Cecil B. DeMille and the rest. And believe me, they have the toughest union leader you could imagine. When the Big Guy blacklists you, he *really* blacklists you.
I love Him, though. You know, they say the devil has the best tunes? Well, God has the finest stereo equipment! How do you think the sound of thunder carries so well? They don't make woofers and tweeters like that anymore, folks.
And say, who's that over there? Why, President Harrison! Stand up, Bill! I tell ya, this guy's term was shorter than other presidents' affairs! I'm kidding, Bill, you know I love ya.
Well, that about wraps it up, folks, so 'til next time, this is Bob "Off the Mortal Coil" Hope reminding you that a life may be temporal and belong to one person, but a classic old joke is timeless, passes through many hands, and will go on forever. Ain't that right, Berle! Goodnight, folks!"