Toonbots message board: Good spam?!?

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Michael Mon Jul 22 20:09:04 2002
Good spam?!?

Yes, for the first time in my life I have received spam which I actually appreciated receiving. It was from Korea, advertising a ship-for-sale database. Did you know that for around a million dollars you can buy a working cargo ship? Wouldn't that be cool? My wife would be captain, my kids would be the crew foremen, we could have a big mad-genius workshop for the robotics experiments and the hydroponics lab and the underwater self-propelled sensory platforms for searching for sunken treasure, I'd have satellite broadband (pricing is coming down all the time!) and a nice big computer room right off the bridge. And a ready room, too, because you have to be able to say, "Number One, you have the bridge, I'll be in my ready room."

And we'd just tool around the world taking stuff from point A to point B. What could be cooler than that? And we could retrofit for sail! Automated sail, of course, cutting edge all the way for us. Did you know a typical ship capable of going like 12 miles per hour uses 7.5 tons of diesel fuel a day? Sail *has* to be cheaper.

Why would anybody buy a big house in the burbs when they could be in cargo shipping? I don't get it! My wife's already filling out the loan papers, I think. Her idea is adventure cruises. I like that idea, too. There are lots of geeks who'd like to go places off the beaten path, in a ship with a functional LAN so you could plug your laptop into the wall and get to the satellite uplink for your mail. Personally I think that drive-on, drive-off RV transport to Europe would be a winner. Kind of like a cruise ship, except you bring your own cabin.

Oh, the possibilities are endless. Who wouldn't want their own ship? Yeah, spam can be good. Very, very occasionally.

mouse Tue Jul 23 14:08:49 2002
Re: Good spam?!?

> My wife would be captain, my
> kids would be the crew foremen,

and you would be...?

> And a ready room, too, because you
> have to be able to say, "Number One, you have the bridge, I'll be in
> my ready room."

guess this makes you No. 1 - always remember, it's the _captain's_ ready room.

> Did you know a typical
> ship capable of going like 12 miles per hour uses 7.5 tons of diesel fuel
> a day? Sail *has* to be cheaper.

good lord - probably faster, too.

> Oh, the possibilities are endless. Who wouldn't want their own ship? Yeah,
> spam can be good. Very, very occasionally.

be sure to check the size of the thing - some of them are a bit hard to park. (many of them, however, are large enough that the crew patrols them on bicycle - built in exercise regime!)

now the important question is - how come _i_ never get spam like this?

Emsworth Tue Jul 23 14:19:41 2002
Re: Good spam?!?

> now the important question is - how come _i_ never get spam like this?

I feel the same way. All I ever get is "Men Will Notice Your Cleavage!!!" or "Free Porn Password!!!" or "Reduce Your Mortgage" (which I don't mind as much as the others.) Also, an inordinate number of people seem to think I want Viagra. Listen, you blighters, I haven't even been on so much as a date yet, all right?

mouse Wed Jul 24 16:05:53 2002
Re: Good spam?!?

> All I ever get is "Men Will Notice Your
> Cleavage!!!"

....which just goes to show how little market targeting these people do.....

unless it's an ad for a plumber's training program.....

Michael Fri Jul 26 11:03:57 2002
Re: Good spam?!?

> unless it's an ad for a plumber's training program.....

Oh, mouse, that's imagery I didn't need to start the day off with.

mouse Fri Jul 26 14:41:38 2002
Re: Good spam?!?

> Oh, mouse, that's imagery I didn't need to start the day off with.

hey - _emsworth_ brought it up....

Emsworth Fri Jul 26 15:08:49 2002
Plumbing and cleavage

> hey - _emsworth_ brought it up....

Ahem. But it was not my felicity of expression which gave the meta-cartoonist an undesirable mental image (though it failed to create any images for me, but the turn of phrase was decidedly neat and amused me more than somewhat.)

mouse Sat Jul 27 22:26:02 2002
Re: Plumbing and cleavage

> (though it failed to create
> any images for me, but the turn of phrase was decidedly neat and amused me
> more than somewhat.)

*sigh* this is where i reveal my great age, and admit that the picture came to me from memories of the old "saturday night" lisa lubner sketchs, several of which featured dan ackroyd as a plumber, the weight of whose tool belt gave him a....shall we say, distinctive...ah..."rear view".

still, glad it was amusing.

Michael Tue Jul 23 17:50:48 2002
Re: Good spam?!?

> and you would be...?

Duh. Mechanic and mad scientist. And navigator.

> be sure to check the size of the thing - some of them are a bit hard to
> park. (many of them, however, are large enough that the crew patrols them
> on bicycle - built in exercise regime!)

For around a million, you're looking at a cargo ship maybe 300 feet long, 60 wide, and 20 deep not including any superstructure. Hard to park indeed, which is why ports were invented.

> now the important question is - how come _i_ never get spam like this?

I get a lot of spam. Sooner or later there was bound to be something mildly interesting in it.

TimberBram Tue Jul 23 20:29:18 2002
Re: Good spam?!?

When I first saw the subject, I thought you had taken leave of your senses. (Perfectly understandable, of course.)

I know see that you are exercising a finely honed sarcasm that was an immense pleasure to read.

Either that, or you *really* need to take a break.

Peace, Tim Bram.

Michael Wed Jul 24 15:31:49 2002
Re: Good spam?!?

> I know see that you are exercising a finely honed sarcasm that was an
> immense pleasure to read.

Well, I do indeed need a break, but not being independently wealthy, I guess that just isn't going to happen. But I do think it'd be neat to own and run a cargo ship. And my wife really is crazy about the idea.






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