Toonbots message board: Speaking of Phillip Morris:

Jenn Wed Nov 28 09:33:19 2001 Tears in my eyes and it's not from the smoke. Okay, that was killer funny. On an unrelated note, did anyone else notice that Rick and Bob has a new comic up? I'm almost certain he's Chris Classic and reads the forum, so I thought I'd say 'Yay!' here. The small, devilish hallucination told me to say 'Yay.' in order to get rid of my smoker's hangover. It's those damn ants. I /told/ the wolverines they were habit forming. But nooooo...they had to convince me that nothing says 'I just stopped off at the drugstore' like a carton of D&M ants. Now, if you'll excuse me, Johnny the Happy Cancer Elf needs my help getting those festively wrapped packages of ants into the sleigh.

Jenn Wed Nov 28 09:47:39 2001 Open Window, Closed Window...whatever. http://www.lileks.com/comics/lance/window/index.html The Case of the Open Window! It's got Napolean and the wolverines written all over it! Only they wrote it with Lance and a gun instead. I'm really enjoying this site, Michael, which is the only reason I keep posting.

Brother Emsworth Wed Nov 28 11:07:20 2001 Re: Tears in my eyes and it's not from the smoke. > On an unrelated note, did anyone else notice that Rick and Bob has a new > comic up? I'm almost certain he's Chris Classic and reads the forum, so I > thought I'd say 'Yay!' here. Just briefly discovered that myself. Chris Classic is indeed the author fo the aforementioned strip (which would, of course, explain the Toonbots tribute and the presence of wolverines in past strips.) > The small, devilish hallucination told me to say 'Yay.' in order to get > rid of my smoker's hangover. It's those damn ants. I /told/ the wolverines > they were habit forming. But nooooo...they had to convince me that nothing > says 'I just stopped off at the drugstore' like a carton of D&M ants. Hey! Now *that's* the kind of reading we're looking for! ::Godfrey fertively gnaws on the thorax of a lit ant:: > Now, if you'll excuse me, Johnny the Happy Cancer Elf needs my help > getting those festively wrapped packages of ants into the sleigh. Technically, he was a midget, but I suppose it comes to the same thing in the end. (Anyone here ever heard Stan Freberg's "Green Chri$tma$" recording, by the way? I think it was Philip Morris who came out with ads showing cartons of cigarettes decorating the tree, which is what partially inspired the record. An entertaining but also very thought-provoking satire of the commercialization of Christmas. I believe people like Dr. Demento and so forth usually air that record on the radio during December. Worth a listen, imo.)

Brother Emsworth Wed Nov 28 10:44:57 2001 Call for Philip Morrr-eeees! > http://www.lileks.com/comics/phillipm/phil23.html > (Check out the rest of that site, too -- the guy's a riot!) Ah, good old Johnny! I hadn't seen those print ads before, but I know Philip Morris used Johnny in all sorts of media for decades. And this seems like the perfect cue for me to ramble for a few moments about Johnny Roventini. Johnny Roventini had been a real New York bell-hop, a four-foot midget with a distinctive high-pitched voice, discovered by advertising agency head Milton Biow in 1933, who was suddenly inspired, and had Johnny page Philip Morris on the spot. He was first used in radio spots, sending out his "Call for Philip Morraaaaaiiss," and supossedly was able to hit a perfect B-flat every time. He was used for years on Philip Morris sponsored radio shows, such as "Crime Doctor," "It Pays to Be Ignorant" (for a time), "The Milton Berle Show," and even "The Philip Morris Playhouse" and the variety series whose title he inspired, "Johhny Presents." It was a successful campaign, but I confess, slightly more so than with many other radio ad campaigns, Johnny does get on my nerves after while (though not as much as the faux Indian chants for Post Toasties, the "Heap Good Cornflakes.") Still, again, it was used for years, with Johnny serving as a living trademark, making personal appearances, apart from teh radio, print ads, and billboards, "stepping out of storefronts all over America." (This last slogan was parodied in a "Bullwinkle Show" episode, when moose and squirrel confront a Johnny-like bellhop about this aspect of his work, and "Johnny" replies that he had to stop, because "he kept cutting his fingers on the broken glass.") Interestingly, Johnny apparently read his "Call for Philip Morris" line from a script, following one occassion when he flubbed the line and the announcer had to take over, in a poor falsetto imitation; the agency refused to take any more chances after that. Though later "Johnny Juniors" were used as understudies and stand-ins (as he could hardly be everywhere at once), Johnny was given a lifetime contract, which continued long after cigarette advertisements were banned from radio and television, and Philip Morris moved on to new advertising angles. Johnny Roventini finally passed away on November 30, 1998, making that "last call for Philip Morraiss," as one obit put it.

mouse Wed Nov 28 14:51:13 2001 Re: Speaking of Phillip Morris: > http://www.lileks.com/comics/phillipm/phil23.html > (Check out the rest of that site, too -- the guy's a riot!) check out the food stuff - his bit on "the decline and fall of western civilization as seen through the medium of jell-o" (http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/jello/index.html) had me making unseemly snorting noises all afternoon yesterday. (also he's got cute pictures of his dog) i guess there is _some_ progress in the world - at least people no longer hand out cartons of cigarettes wholesale as christmas gifts. (jell-o molds though - that might be fun)

Michael Wed Nov 28 15:05:47 2001 Re: Speaking of Phillip Morris: > i guess there is _some_ progress in the world - at least people no longer > hand out cartons of cigarettes wholesale as christmas gifts. I'm not sure they ever really did, although Phillip Morris sure would have liked it. Talk about crass. ... Then again, judging from many of my relatives, the 50's and 60's were marked by an incredible degree of crassness. Nothing says "I stopped by the drugstore on the way" like a carton of ciggies or a nice six-pack of beer. Come to think of it, Sam Adams also suggested a six-pack of beer as a suitable Christmas present. So ... maybe there's not been as much progress as we'd all like to think.

Jenn Thu Nov 29 09:32:48 2001 Christmas Gifts for the Man Who Has Everything > Nothing says "I stopped > by the drugstore on the way" like a carton of ciggies or a nice > six-pack of beer Of /course/! Beer! Thanks, Michael! That's what I'll get the little man for Christmas! Heck, maybe I'll even splurge and get him a bag of chips, too. Nothing like gifts that go together. Cause that's just the kind of thoughtful wife I am. The sad thing is? He'd probably like it. But probably not more than the Palm Pilot tie that he's getting. I heard that. I know that sound was all of you saying 'Geek!' even though you tried to hide it as a sneeze.

Tirdun Thu Nov 29 09:51:57 2001 Re: Christmas Gifts for the Man Who Has Everything > The sad thing is? He'd probably like it. But probably not more than the > Palm Pilot tie that he's getting. *aaaah*GEEK*choo* > I heard that. I know that sound was all of you saying 'Geek!' even though > you tried to hide it as a sneeze. Uhhh, was NOT! Is it a Palm Pilot built INTO a tie? Or just a tie that you carry your Palm Pilot in? Does it come with a stylus? Is it the color tie or just the greyscale one? *cough* Not that I want one. I also want to point out how funny the phrase "palm pilot" is, and how much all my geek friends tittered at it until they bought their own.

Jenn Thu Nov 29 10:10:58 2001 Re: Christmas Gifts for the Man Who Has Everything > Is it a Palm Pilot built INTO a tie? Oh. That would be really cool. > Or just a tie that you > carry your Palm Pilot in? That would be cool, too. But alas, I'm not /that/ cool a wife. It's a tie with pictures of pilots on it. Besides, he already has a /holster/ to hold his (I guess it's a Visor, not a Palm). That's right. One of those under the arm jobbies like they hold guns in. Only special made to hold a pilot. Visor. Whatever. See, I called the Pilot a 'Palm' for the first eternity that he had it and was constantly being told not to call it a Palm. So now that I have a 50 percent hit rate on calling it a Pilot, he goes and changes to Visor and it starts all over. I have found that referring to it as 'The Other Woman.' works like a charm, though. > Is it the color tie > or just the greyscale one? Greyscale. Looks like the older versions, too. It's a retro tie. Retro's in, right? > *cough* Not that I want one. Too late. Your kids have already been notified. The warehouse has been contacted and you're getting a Pilot tie for Christmas, birthday and Father's Day for the next 15 years. Enjoy.

Eric Schissel Thu Nov 29 10:30:39 2001 Re: Christmas Gifts for the Man Who Has Everything I think the general term for Palm Pilots/Visors/wossname thingies (sorry, Gaspode) is PDAs now...

Tirdun Fri Nov 30 09:14:51 2001 Re: Christmas Gifts for the Man Who Has Everything > I think the general term for Palm Pilots/Visors/wossname thingies (sorry, > Gaspode) is PDAs now... My boss was calling hers a "goddamlittletoy" for a while, since HER boss said that all his managers had to have them and USE them and beam things to him from them and so forth. Not that she's not tech-savvy for a boss, but apparently the PDA's have a wonderful gift of eliminating the part of your brain that used to do whatever it is the PDA now does, meaning that they've become impossible to live without.

mouse Fri Nov 30 13:40:13 2001 Re: Christmas Gifts for the Man Who Has Everything > since > HER boss said that all his managers had to have them and USE them and beam > things to him from them and so forth. see, this is what i mean - the big boss has one, so everyone has to have them, so he has people to play with. and now they have to actually spend time coming up with things to beam to him. the root question is, of course - how tech-savvy is he?

Tirdun Fri Nov 30 09:19:02 2001 Re: Christmas Gifts for the Man Who Has Everything > Too late. Your kids have already been notified. The warehouse has been > contacted and you're getting a Pilot tie for Christmas, birthday and > Father's Day for the next 15 years. Enjoy. ;p I don't wear ties much. I have a "funeral tie" and a "wedding tie", both of which happen to refer to the same tie. I also have an "emergency tie" at work, so if there's a big meeting, I've got one to throw on. Now, since the shirts I wear don't really lend themselves to ties (having either no collar or no top buttons), it's always fun to wear the emergency tie. I also own a red tie with giant roosters on it that my grandfather gave me, and which manages to clash with every known color in the visible range of light. I think that's why he bought it. I love that one.

Brother Emsworth Fri Nov 30 10:50:41 2001 Re: Christmas Gifts for the Man Who Has Everything > I don't wear ties much. I have a "funeral tie" and a > "wedding tie", both of which happen to refer to the same tie. I > also have an "emergency tie" at work, so if there's a big > meeting, I've got one to throw on. Now, since the shirts I wear don't > really lend themselves to ties (having either no collar or no top > buttons), it's always fun to wear the emergency tie. I also own a red tie > with giant roosters on it that my grandfather gave me, and which manages > to clash with every known color in the visible range of light. I think > that's why he bought it. I love that one. I have quite a few ties, but seldom have an opportunity to wear them. However, at an academic honors whatsit, I was finally able to wear my Pink Panther tie (a pattern of a cartoon Inspector Clouseau following the colorful cat, against a dark blue background), even though I did need to buy new pants to go with it. Other cartoon themed ties include several featuring Rocky and Bullwinkle (purchased when I was in 7th grade for some function or other), and a very nice one depicting the Grinch's floating green eyes (which I really should wear some time soon.)

mouse Fri Nov 30 13:36:10 2001 Re: Christmas Gifts for the Man Who Has Everything > a very nice one depicting the Grinch's floating > green eyes (which I really should wear some time soon.) sounds like the perfect thing for those family holiday get-togethers! i myself have a grinch/year 2000 millenium bug t-shirt -- which i am now afraid to wear because it's got a check list for things like power outages and planes falling from the sky.

mouse Thu Nov 29 14:34:24 2001 Re: Christmas Gifts for the Man Who Has Everything > I also want to > point out how funny the phrase "palm pilot" is, and how much all > my geek friends tittered at it until they bought their own. i always wondered about that....why palm _pilot_? i mean, you surely can't fly planes with the thing (and all you need to fly your palm is an open car window). why not palm captain? palm navigator? palm bus-driver? what do the silly things do, anyway? (other than eat up hours of executive time, as assorted cxo's try to figure out how to get out the stuff they spent hours putting into the things -- which, come to think of it, could by itself provide a major boost to the american economy)

Eric Schissel Thu Nov 29 16:42:20 2001 Re: Christmas Gifts for the Man Who Has Everything > i always wondered about that....why palm _pilot_? i mean, you surely can't > fly planes with the thing (and all you need to fly your palm is an open > car window). why not palm captain? palm navigator? palm bus-driver? Palm reader's favorite, seeing as how you can beam to and from the thing... erm, forget I said that, eh? > what do the silly things do, anyway? (other than eat up hours of executive > time, as assorted cxo's try to figure out how to get out the stuff they > spent hours putting into the things -- which, come to think of it, could > by itself provide a major boost to the american economy) They eat up hours of _my_ time just as I play... so far, 2100+ games of Solitaire... (averaging winning about 1 of 8 or so games of Klondike 3-at-a-time since you didn't ask *g* )

mouse Thu Nov 29 17:57:48 2001 Re: Christmas Gifts for the Man Who Has Everything > They eat up hours of _my_ time just as I play... so far, 2100+ games of > Solitaire... (averaging winning about 1 of 8 or so games of Klondike > 3-at-a-time since you didn't ask *g* ) i like the vegas scoring -- however, i have managed to suppress any memory of the relative frequency of days i come out ahead to days i am thousands of dollars behind.

Jenn Fri Nov 30 09:02:18 2001 Re: Christmas Gifts for the Man Who Has Everything Mmmm. I gotta say...if I got one it would just be for the games. I really like that Drug Lord game. I can't remember what it's called, but you jet around NYC selling and buying drugs and try to make a profit. It's /hard/ being a drug lord! Anyway, my point for this post was to say that the pilot has Changed Husband's Life. He is no longer late for every appointment he makes. Yes, yes, yes. You could do that with a date book. /If/ you used a date book. For some strange reason, because it's Technology, he'll use it. Pen and paper? No. But see, that's not normal in any sense of the word. The only thing I will say about the pilot is that you can cram a heck of a lot of information in a small space. My date/address book, a petite little thing, is almost twice the size.

Michael Fri Nov 30 11:02:33 2001 Re: Christmas Gifts for the Man Who Has Everything > Anyway, my point for this post was to say that the pilot has Changed > Husband's Life. He is no longer late for every appointment he makes. Yes, > yes, yes. You could do that with a date book. /If/ you used a date book. > For some strange reason, because it's Technology, he'll use it. Pen and > paper? No. I would use it for the same reason -- they have an interface to the desktop machine, right? So you get a reasonable interface.