Michael Wed Sep 26 14:09:15 2001
The Onion makes sense
http://www.theonion.com/onion3734/american_life_turns_into.html
As usual, the folks at the Onion have expressed everything I could possibly have wanted to, but am not eloquent enough for. The rest of the issue is just as good. The Onion is genius. As always.
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mouse Wed Sep 26 15:13:22 2001
Re: The Onion makes sense
great article. i have to admit, the first time i saw the film of the second plane going in, my immediate thought was, 'wow - all those disaster movies got it _right_!' it really did look too well done to be real.
btw - arnold has been considering a run for governor of california -- so if the terrorists are crazy enough to attack here, we may in fact be able to field an authentic action figure against them.
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Brother Emsworth Wed Sep 26 20:39:04 2001
Re: The Onion makes sense
> great article. i have to admit, the first time i saw the film of the
> second plane going in, my immediate thought was, 'wow - all those disaster
> movies got it _right_!' it really did look too well done to be real.
Not much of a one for politics, and hope this isn't in poor taste, but speaking of films, this reminds me of things I've read suggesting that it may not be too long before Hollywood capitalizes on the tragedy, and somehow the following frightening scenario came to me:
Coming from Walt Disney Pictures in the Fall of 2004:
The long-awaited, ground breaking epic romantic tragedy, TOWERS.
Matt Damon and Mira Sorvino are romantically involved clerks, working in opposite ends of the Word Trade Center, desperately attempting to reach each other, and reaching a greater understanding of the human spirit in the mean time. With Robin Williams as the bravely stoic pilot of the doomed aircraft, Chris Rock as the wise-cracking yet heart-broken chief rescue worker, Richard Gere as the President of the United States, and Anthony Hopkins as Osama Bin Laden. Explosions by Industrial Light and Magic. Eminem and Whitney Houston duet on the touching signature song, "International Incidents Cannot Still My Love."
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mouse Wed Sep 26 21:46:12 2001
Re: The Onion makes sense
it deeply saddens me to say this -- but you may actually have a _major_ future in hollywood. you may want to throw in a subplot with an adorable moppet (to be cast later) -- either the (widowered) pilot's child, awaiting his return, or perhaps a heroic rescue by the fire chief.
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Michael Wed Sep 26 22:07:40 2001
Re: The Onion makes sense
> it deeply saddens me to say this -- but you may actually have a _major_
> future in hollywood. you may want to throw in a subplot with an adorable
> moppet (to be cast later) -- either the (widowered) pilot's child,
> awaiting his return, or perhaps a heroic rescue by the fire chief.
Except this wouldn't be Disney, because it's a romantic angle. I'd say either Miramax or Dreamworks. The rest of it -- shyeeah. The moppet wouldn't be the child of the pilot, but rather rescued by the fire chief. The pilot's new orphan has no closure and thus no catharsis. As mainstream cinema it doesn't work. Now if it were a *French* file, the moppet would be the child of the pilot and a stewardess AND would be rescued by the fire chief, but the ambulance would crash on the way to the hospital. Those French like to yank the happy ending out from under you when you're least expecting it.
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Jenn Thu Sep 27 08:30:24 2001
French Movies
And if it was a /Russian/ film, we'd spend the whole two hours focusing on the plane crew's struggle for survival, so that we get good and attached to their characters, only to have everyone die horribly in the end.
Course, French films, there's no warranty against massive death, either, I've noticed.
And, wow, Emsworth! No bet against that scenario here. I should try to find a bookie who will take that bet. I hear in England there are bookies who will take any bet, from the world ending in such and such a year, to aliens enslaving the human race by 2020. I could make a million!
Could I suggest that there be a scene in there where the hero and the heroine are on the observation deck and he lifts her up so she can say 'I'm on top of the world!'? Ya know, arms outstretched, the whole bit.
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mouse Thu Sep 27 14:16:20 2001
Re: French Movies
> Could I suggest that there be a scene in there where the hero and the
> heroine are on the observation deck and he lifts her up so she can say
> 'I'm on top of the world!'? Ya know, arms outstretched, the whole bit.
oh yeah - _gotta_ have that as part of the whole cute boy/girl bonding sorta thing.
actually, in true hollywood style, probably most of the major scenes from disaster movies could be worked in -- there's the climbing to the bottom bit in 'Poseidon Adventure', and _endless_ cliches from the 'Airport' series --- this could be major, guys, MAJOR.
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Michael Thu Sep 27 19:04:39 2001
Re: French Movies
> Could I suggest that there be a scene in there where the hero and the
> heroine are on the observation deck and he lifts her up so she can say
> 'I'm on top of the world!'? Ya know, arms outstretched, the whole bit.
And then they airsurf the rubble to the ground, he dies, she lives, trapped in the rubble for three days until Dubya himself pulls her out. Yeah!
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mouse Thu Sep 27 14:27:56 2001
Re: The Onion makes sense
> The pilot's new orphan has no closure and thus no catharsis.
well - unless he's adopted by the president. can't you just see dubya, holding the kid high during his speech to congress, and saying 'this brave lad was given to me by the fire chief who dug him out of the ashes; he is here symbolisizing the symbols of all that for which we are fighting for'. patriotic tears in every eye.
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Michael Thu Sep 27 19:03:02 2001
Re: The Onion makes sense
> well - unless he's adopted by the president.
Damn. You're 100% right.
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mouse Thu Sep 27 19:17:02 2001
Re: The Onion makes sense
> Damn. You're 100% right.
of _course_ i'm right, i'm _always_ right -- how often do i have to tell people this?
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Eric Schissel Wed Sep 26 22:28:17 2001
Re: The Onion makes sense
> it deeply saddens me to say this -- but you may actually have a _major_
> future in hollywood. you may want to throw in a subplot with an adorable
> moppet (to be cast later) -- either the (widowered) pilot's child,
> awaiting his return, or perhaps a heroic rescue by the fire chief.
Yes...
Painfully (prescient? percipient?) ponderings,
subtle, sure sight,
(of) minds movie moguls (of).
(OK, not one of my better efforts. It's 11 at night and I'm not particularly good at this. Certainly agree with the sentiment and wish I didn't have to, at any rate. I was tempted to say "and expect Dreamworks to come out with a competing animated version," but I didn't and won'tMRFLE.)
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